Question: As a mother with young kids, I often find friendly strangers approaching us to smile and say “hi” when we’re out and about. I try to encourage my son Henry to be polite and respond, but I also teach him not to talk to strangers. How can I avoid sending mixed messages? --Diana
From KidsHealth:
For generations, “Don’t talk to strangers” has been the mantra of many parents. But contrary to this age-old wisdom, sometimes it’s actually a good idea for kids to talk to strangers. Who else will they turn to if they’re lost and need help? So, instead of making a blanket statement, it’s better to teach your kids when it’s appropriate to talk to strangers and when it is not.
When kids are out with you, it’s fine to let them say hello and talk to new people if you feel it’s appropriate. You are monitoring the situation and will protect them. But if your child is alone and approached by a stranger, that’s a different story.
To start, if a stranger ever approaches your child and offers a ride or treats (like candy or toys), or asks for help with a task (like helping find a lost dog), instruct your child to step away, firmly yell “No!”, and leave the area immediately. Your child should tell you or another trusted adult (like a teacher or childcare worker) what happened. The same goes if anyone — whether a stranger, family member, or friend — asks your child to keep a secret, touches your child’s private area or asks your child to touch theirs.
Most kids are likely to be wary of strangers who are mean-looking or appear “bad” in some way. But the truth is, most child molesters and abductors are regular-looking people and many go out of their way to look friendly, safe, and appealing to children. So, instead of judging a person by appearance only, teach kids to judge people by their actions.
So, what happens if your kids are alone and need to approach a stranger for help? First, tell them to trust their instincts. If they don’t have a good feeling about a certain person, approach someone else. Try to find a person in uniform, like a police officer, security guard, or store employee. And if they’re not around, grandparents, women, and people with children may be able to help.
While it’s not possible to protect kids from strangers at all times, it is possible to teach them about appropriate behaviors and what to do if somebody crosses the line. By keeping these guidelines in mind, your child will be able act smart and stay safe.
This is reassuring news. The idea that Henry can respond politely to strangers who talk to him while I'm around while balancing that with conversations about people who may pose a real threat is very valuable.
What do you do when friendly people try to talk to your kids while you're around?