The title of this article promises a lot--and I think Elizabeth Donovan of Parenting Pink delivers some insightful information about what our kids need from us when we're all inside together. Will you be surprised (and relieved) to know that you don't have to with your kids every minute of the day to keep them happy and occupied?--Diana
It’s a cold, blistery, winter day – one of many to come - as you contemplate exactly what to do with your preschooler to keep her occupied, happy, and relatively tantrum-free. It’s too dreary and frigid to take a stroll outside and your toddler is beginning to show signs that she’s fed up with being stuck inside as much as you are. Oh, sure, the day always starts out new and exciting with the promise of making clay sculptures, playing board games, or making a delicious batch of pancakes together – but somehow it always manages to end the same – with your preschooler sprawled out on the floor, flopping and twisting her little belly as she lets out a high pitched wail. It’s enough to make even the most patient parents pull their hair out.
For many parents this scenario is all too familiar. As parents, our intentions are good ones – we want our children to learn, grow, and enjoy spending time with us whether it’s indoors or outdoors. But the long winter months bring with them less outdoor play for our little ones creating a world where boredom and frustration are easily accessible. This poses new challenges as children are often confined in small indoor spaces for longer periods of time. Thus, there is an endless and exhausting desire to keep our children entertained indoors while trying to avoid the moodiness and temper tantrums that often accompany close-proximity.
Developmentally, children ages 2-5 benefit from being outdoors because it allows them to increase their fine and gross motor skills, burn off energy, soak up Vitamin D from the sun, and socialize with their friends. When your child’s ability to run, jump, and play in a wide open space is reduced, children and parents need to find new ways to accommodate the loss. Children, like adults, are prone to ‘cabin fever’ making them emotionally vulnerable to tantrums, anger, boredom, and oppositional behavior. Moreover, moms and dads find that they begin to feel isolated and are quick to get angry with their toddlers when trapped indoors together. Both parent and child build resentment instead of relativeness which leaves both of you frustrated and counting the days until it’s warm enough to go back outside again.
Yet, there is hope for those of us with small children. Your preschooler can grow and thrive indoors by giving her the right amount of structured and non-structured playtime. Preschoolers should have at least 1-2 hours of both structured and unstructured play time per day. Try these activities with your child to help add structure to her day as well as give both of you an opportunity to relax and enjoy each other’s company:
• Structured activities: Taking the time to play board games, bake cookies together, read a book, or build a castle out of blocks are great ways to build in ‘structured’ activities. This allows your preschooler to learn and bond with mom and dad while focusing on a specific task that keeps them occupied and helps them learn to master specific skills.
• Unstructured activities: Unstructured time (time that is usually spent outdoors running around on the playground) is often overlooked when preschoolers play indoors and it is equally important in terms of your child’s development and ability to meet their emotional needs. By offering unstructured activities, your child is less-likely to throw tantrums because she is able to feel ‘in control’ of her surroundings. Unstructured activities, like allowing your child to play with her dolls or building blocks, encourage creativity while also allowing her to create her own world where she is “the boss.”
• Quiet Time: Quiet time or naptime is an important part of your preschoolers day. Children this age need to have a little time to regroup and relax. Even if your child has dropped her nap, allowing her time to quietly read books or color in her room gives her time to regroup.
Parents should remember that tantrums and crankiness are developmentally appropriate for children ages 2-4. If your child is having a particularly bad day, it’s often helpful to keep these things in mind:
• Don’t sweat the small stuff: Let there be mess! I know, easier said than done - but often, parents underestimate the power of ‘mess.’ Perhaps our toddlers could teach us a thing or two about letting loose and having fun. Spending the day indoors often means things can - and will - get messy. Forget about keeping the kitchen floor dirt free. Little feet and hands will ensure that there is finger paint and spaghetti sauce on it. This does not mean that parents should let their homes become overly sloppy, it simply a reminder that by letting go of a little stress and ‘going with the moment’ parents can learn to relax and enjoy their children. When parents are less stressed, so are children.
• Tantrums are par for the course. Children ages 2-4 are learning how to communicate and express their feelings. When they get angry, frustrated, or bored, children often ‘act out’ what they cannot verbalize. Despite your best efforts to keep your child amused indoors, the reality is that there will be meltdowns. Let your child have her tantrum and move on.
• Take a moment for you. If you feel you are at the end of your wits, take a ‘mom or dad’ break. Go to a quiet place for a couple of minutes (after ensuring your child is safe) and take a deep breath. Being indoors in a restricted space together creates tension for children and their parents so it’s important you take care of yourself. Giving yourself extra space prevents overreacting or punishing your child unnecessarily. Even better? When your child goes to bed, take a warm bath or cuddle up with a good book. Take a moment to unwind and enjoy the peace and quiet.
Do you spend time in both structured and unstructured play with your kids or do you find yourself doing more of one of the other?